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Friday, December 19th, 2008
11:05 am - Writer's Block: Legends of Rock
My favorite concert ever is Jimmy Buffett. Usually when you go to a concert, you do tailgate or pregame? But no concert pregames/tailgates like a Jimmy Buffett concert. People bring in their motorhomes and sand and palm trees and volleyball nets and sometimes these parties start a day or two before the actual concert! Most people wear extremely bright colored clothes or grass skirts and coconut bras. They always wear leis and beads, and sometimes they even have leis made of real flowers. Jimmy Buffett fans are notorious for wearing fins, parrots and large cheeseburgers as costumes. In the parking lot, drinks are served out of coconuts and pineapples, no matter what you have and there's always a large variety of margaritas being passed around. So if you have enough will power to stay sober for the show, it only gets better inside. There's so much audience participation and Jimmy Buffett loves his fans. It's the performance of a lifetime. No wonder he's never had a solo number one single and still sells out concerts in record time. Jimmy Buffett is a prodigy. He's where it's at.

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Monday, September 22nd, 2008
6:45 pm
There's been soo much crazy shit happening lately. I know, I know, that's when I should write in here, but I'd rather live in the moment and write about it later. First of all, my micro and speech classes suck. I am absolutely terrible at both subjects and I have no idea what I am going to do. Meanwhile, geography and political science are amazing and I am kickin' ass in them :) And fyi, geography is not what everyone believes it to be. It's not just the memorization of states, countries, capitals and rivers... it is actually about really fun to learn and important stuff... so if you wanted to know, I am very glad I took the course.

Secondly, I have the opportunity to finally make up with my uncle. Well, I guess opportunity isn't the right word. Maybe reason, I guess. Him and I have been totally at each others throats since spring time because he said that Mike backed into his car. It escalated from there. I know I can't let things go and my uncle is the same way... so we just started fighting with each other over every little thing. However, knowing my uncle, because I ABSOLUTELY HATE TO SAY THIS BUT he is a lot like myself, I know that if I apologize and act as though I was wrong, the situation will be over. That's just how it works. Well, his daughter has been a raging alcoholic for quite some time. For the past few months she has been doing horribly, thanks to her boyfriend (and don't let me say that it wasn't her fault because I'm sure that it was at least partially her fault) and she hasn't gotten better AT ALL. Then I find out this morning, she is 39 and on her death bed. Ugh. That's tragic. But... alcoholism runs in my family. I'm deathly afraid of being addicted. I'm addicted to not being addicted. However that ends up working out. I pray for the best for her and for her immediate family.. and because I am a decent person, I will make up with my uncle. He needs support and family during this time and not a reason to continue to feel unwelcome at my house. I will be the bigger person and make sure to take proper care of my family. I only get one and even though it's a big one, that doesn't make it any one member any less important than if it would have been extremely small. And I mean that WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

But just to contradict myself... crazy things happened yesterday. I was a little bit less than honest, even though I'm sure that everyone knew. I feel compelled to start being a little more truthful from now on, but also not tell soo much so I don't get in trouble.

So I mentioned previously that I was worried about my microeconomics class. I just got out of the study group for that. I think I am going to do well. Honestly, I want to be a vocal music teacher. More than that, though, I guess I just want a glamorous career where I can travel. I really want to sing. I want someone to sing. I want recognition for something. I am so sick of merely existing. I want to live. But in the bigger picture... I want to take everyone that was at the bottom with me up to the top. All of those people that I absolutely fucking adore will be there, because fame is not amazing when you're lonely.

Other than that, I have the weekend off this coming weekend for my family reunion. I am soo very happy. It'll be amazing. I can not wait to see everyone. I love them... it'll be a blast.

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Tuesday, August 19th, 2008
2:07 pm

So I have spent the past couple days trying to figure out how to paint my room. I want it to be BEAUTIFUL... but I wanted a black and white theme. I thought that would be awesome. But mom refuses to let me paint in black and who uses wallpaper anymore anyway? So I'm thinking I'll use silver as a bottom color and white as a top color. Then I will just have black bedding. Maybe... I don't know. I have soo much shit to do. I took a week off to get things done for this new house and have accomplished NOTHING so far. I work tomorrow and I don't want to. I have plans Thursday and Friday and so today is the only day. Ugh. Tonight P to the RESTON and I are going back to school shopping together! :-D.

All of this moving and house shopping has gotten me thinking that I want to design houses. But not small houses, I want to design mansions. Haha... I wish I could do that :-D.
"And what it all comes down to my friend, yeah, is that I haven't really got it all figured out just yet" - Alanis Morrisette.

I heard from Jamo for the first time in awhile yesterday. We used to keep up with each other and talk all the time but lately we haven't. We've both grown up soo much since we saw each other last and I kind of just thought that we grew apart. But when I read his message and he was like I miss you and Michigan, I was like awww... that's wonderful. He said that he wants to introduce me to his better half and I was soo happy for him. I can't believe that he's 21 now, but that's probably helped a lot by the fact that I can't believe I'm 22. I know how old I am, but it's just like... I think we're still soo young. I'm like, he can go to the bar?!? Haha. That's news to me. But anyway, hopefully Mom and I can go visit around Christmas or next February. It'd be great, for sure.

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Saturday, August 16th, 2008
8:55 pm

I have come to the realization that I am very bitter and conceited. I'm not conceited concerning myself, though. Rather, I am because I believe that the upbringing I had was the best. I have known the best people. I have been to the best places. I had the best food. I was taught the best manners and I have the best memories. All of these places may not mean shit to anyone else, but they mean a whole lot to me. I was reading this journal (I haven't posted in it since around last Christmas) and I realized that I am soo bitter because I put all my faith into one thing and it never worked out. I believed whole heartedly that my dad would get better. When he died, I was sooo sad but I knew that he was in a better place. I guess if God could not have cured him, he took him to a better place. This was the second best thing. I keep telling myself that. But I also had faith that my dad's condition was only temporary. I didn't believe that the disease that he had was going to kill him. I remember driving around in my car and wishing that my dad was there because I'd hear a song that reminded me of him on the radio. Or I'd go to a baseball game and I'd be thinking, one day Dad is going to escape the hell that he is living and he will come out here with me. That never happened. I was totally breathless on Opening Day of 2007 (which took place not even a month after my dad died) and I saw a poster that said, "Gone but not Forgotten" and it had a picture of Tiger Stadium. My mom and I stood looking at it and were both crying. We never said a word to each other but we knew that we were thinking the exact same thing. All my faith was demolished in that moment. I have faith in God, but I have no faith in people. I have no faith in the world that I live in. I have no faith in anything except God. I put all my faith in Him to cure my dad and he didn't, still I have faith. I just lost it in other places. It's wierd. It's something that i can't explain. I just realize that I am bitter and give life no chance to be good because I threw it all away.

But secondly, after thinking about it all day long... I am realizing that I hope that there is that one for me out there. I don't believe in searching for a soulmate. You'll never find the perfect person that way, if there is such a thing. I hope that person that can complete me in an undescribable way is out there somewhere. I'm not waiting for him. I am not looking for him either. We will hopefully one day find each other. I don't want to know from the very first time I meet this person. I hope that they are a friend that grows on me in time. I don't really believe in love at first sight. I need someone who can keep my attention and who can remain absolutely amazing through anything. I need someone who sees me for me. I need someone who wants to be near me, but can also give me my space to do me.  I need someone who has the same interests as me and hopefully can break me of being Miss Independent so that we can grow together. This person will be nothing less than utterly amazing and the thought of what we share will leave me speechless. After thinking about it for a long time, I hope to meet this person one day.

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Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
1:41 pm

I haven't updated in the past 5 months. Not a lot has changed. The bf and I are still having problems and I still work at Applebee's of Dearborn Heights. With the added stress of the holidays and losing my phone, still not having gone Christmas shopping and having quite a few problems with my car.. I'm tired of everything. I just wanna take a nap and not wake up. But... whatever. My friend died on Friday. For whatever reason I wasn't informed until today... an hour before the funeral service. I don't even know if I can call him a friend anymore. He used to be. We used to be great friends. He would always cheer me up when I was sad in hs, but so much has changed since then. I know I should have paid more attention to him while he was sick. I just know that he wanted to date. And to get soo attached to someone that you knew wouldn't be around for very long... that just didn't seem very promising. 

My car situation is soo fucked up. My front tires are bald. They can't get my wheel locks off. They say that the key is stripped which is bullshit considering it's only been used one time. I need an oil change. My cars making some kind of funny noise. I think the brakes are going on it. I just wish my dad was here to help me deal with all this bullshit that I'm currently going through. I lost 142 in my server book. More than that if you count the check that was made out to CASH for twenty five dollars.

On top of all of that, Mike has been caught looking up prostitutes on the computer about a month ago. He swore it was because he was lonely, but nonetheless, he did it. I freaked out and ran home that night. I didn't want to see him or talk to him. We made up three days later when he promised he would never do that again. Yesterday, I found where he was looking up casual encounters on craigs list. It was men and women. He said it was this guy that his mom is letting live in their house. Whatever. I'm disgusted by what I saw. And if you want to pull the, you're a jealous bitch card on me... my boyfriend should never give me a reason to be jealous, that's bullshit. And secondly, I have the right to snoop if it's for my own personal protection. Please believe, I have a reason to look for whatever might be on there. 

This morning, Rob, the roommate... called me and started talking a lot of shit to me. He's such a douche bag. He told me that I needed help because I didn't see the world in the same way that he sees it. He told me that he was going to save Mike from me. Maybe I should listen when people tell me that they want to save me from Mike... but I don't. 

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Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
2:55 pm

friends only. comment to be added.

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